I don't know what's going on right now. You seem so distant. Maybe it's my fault. I keep myself busy with work, work, work, and along the way you get left behind. But that's not a fair assessment of the whole situation. You're busy with your internship too, if not busier. I could never blame you for being unavailable cos I know it's not a choice you made. But when you readily say I'm not around when you need me the most, that's kinda hard to accept. Because I've been trying to get hold of you, only to receive unanswered calls and unreplied messages. I guess whenever you're ready to talk about this, contact me. I can't be the one running after you if you don't want to get caught.

It's the holidays for me; barely a month of internship for you. Good for me; not so good for you. Just hang in there ok. I think once all this is over, you'll think about it and go it's not that bad. Until then, you'll have me as your companion. I'll ride the wave with you. :)

Now that I have all the time in the world, I don't know what to do with it. I should probably clear up the mess in the part of the living room I fondly refer to as my own private space. But malassss sangat! Clean for me, baby! :P Your boyfriend is messy and lazy. Yes he is.

I'm messy, lazy, cynical, defensive, arrogant, bitchy, mean, rude - despite these many flaws, why do you still like me?

I wonder all the time. Maybe I'm lucky? But 'good luck' is just an easy explanation we develop to feel good for ourselves. It's not tangible, it's not real. So why do you like me again? :)

You may think I must have forgotten, or that I didn't care. But rest assured, I know. I am well aware of the significance of today. I think I need not say it out loud. I know you know, and that's all that matters. I just want to tell you that I do not have an expiry date, and our relationship shouldn't be imposed with one too. As far as I am concerned, the time I've spent with you so far has more worth than a particular date on the calendar. I value you so much because you are a big part of my life right now. In fact, you have been an important part of my life beyond this past month.

I think the beginning of this year was the start of my courtship (haha), and if you are so inclined to keep track of how long we've been together, you might as well count the last 3 or 4 months as well because wow, those were really some testing times. So what if we fought alot. I think we've grown so much because of those misunderstandings or arguments, both individually and as a couple. I would not ever want to change a single thing. And going into a committed relationship despite the bitter fights require a lot of faith. I have faith in us. I have faith in you.

So what now? Well, each new day brings about a new milestone for the both of us. For our relationship to prosper, I say we take things one step at a time. I'm not leaving you, so why rush things eh?

Thank you, Fiqa. For everything thus far.

This shall be an overdue post.

I think I write best when I'm feeling strong emotions about something. It almost feels like the words pour out from my very soul when that happens. There really isn't anything quite like it. I just keep on going cos I know if I even stopped for a while, the feeling would be gone. There's a certain adrenaline rush to it. I used to remember once upon a long time ago, I wrote cos I was very sad about something, and my emotions were so strong, I wrote and wrote till I stopped crying. I guess that's my way of dealing with my issues?

I don't just run when I have a problem, as you probably think I do. I write too.

Anyway, this entry is a week late. I could come up with reasons for it being so, cos I'm "reasonable" like that, but that would just be that. Reason after reason after reason. At some point, even I get sick of coming up with reasons, despite the fact that those reasons may be justified. Moreover, now that you always point out my uncanny ability to give a reason to everything, I keep myself in check before I say something. I don't really know where I am headed with this, but for the most part, I'm writing this perhaps cos of yesterday's phone call. It was cold, to say the least.

I'm still surprised how I can manage to upset you by the littlest of things. Like watching a movie I said I won't watch. It seems like it didn't matter that I had no say in deciding what movie to watch since everybody else over there was eager to watch it. It wasn't an appropriate time nor place to be a wet blanket. It also didn't matter that I was half asleep when the show started, hence technically, I didn't really watch the movie. But of course, that's just my reason. Which at this point, doesn't count for very much, if at all.

So what else can I say? I apologised, and I respected that you probably need time to "detach" yourself from being upset. I left it at that. Then just now, when I thought about this whole situation again, I wondered...you feel unfairly treated (I read your fb message) and that I was being hypocritical or whatever. I'm so tempted to defend myself and say that you were being unfair to me too, that I can't be blamed for the majority's decision, that I eventually chose sleep over watching the show, and that a reasonable person would not make a mountain out of a mole's hill.

Would you have seen the situation from my point of view then?

Ok. So I've thought about this. This has to be done. Because I don't want to waste any more time. And before you go, I have to know. This will change things or not, depending on you. Go ahead. Scratch it.






I had fun today with you under the hot hot sun. :) It wasn't perfect, but sometimes perfect is overrated. As always, it doesn't matter to me where we are or what we do, as long as it's with you, I'm contented already. So you beat me in Taiti. That's ok. There's always another day to play. And you better take care of my HTC baby when you get it in 2 weeks time. He's special. HAHA.

Anyway, I've mentioned this in Facebook, but I'll say it again here. I'm sorry if I offended you by being straightforward. You can say I lack sensitivity, but I'm only being 100 percent honest cos it's you. I may sugarcoat my words with other people, and bury my honest feelings about them. But I'd rather be upfront to you because you matter to me, and whenever you feel the need to be direct with me, by all means, please do. It may hurt initially, but I'll detach myself from it. :)

HK is approaching. What am I to do?!!!


Thank you for coming down to Woodlands on a Saturday morning. I know it's hard for you to wake up early, but you made the effort. It's awesome to finally get to watch a bro perform, but having you there with me was icing on the cake. I couldn't have asked for better company. Despite the unforgiving heat, you remained cool. You probably knew how important this was for me. Friendships and brotherhood are very important to me, but in case you doubt about where you stand, I'm telling you now that you're important to me now. Don't ever think otherwise.

Actually, I would have followed you to Suntec if you had still wanted to. It's not the sale I'm after or whatever. I just wanted to spend the rest of the day with you. Which we did eventually. In a bus. On the long journey home. It didn't matter that we're both tired and sleepy. Or that the seats were painfully hard. I held your hand throughout, and in that moment, I am happy. Things are looking pretty good. I just hope I don't screw it up because we both know I'm capable of doing that.

One more week, baby. :(